Tuesday, 23 July 2013

Flumpy's newborn survival guide

Hallos! Flumpies hear. They haz tryed to keep me quiet, buts I shall be herd. I haz tied ups boob ladie and stollen her computerz. And so's, allows me two present...


Newbornz! Lets me guide yous. I am now verys old and wize ands can tell yous what you needz to get yous threw this difficults earlie stage.

1. BOOB.
This one is a bits obviouses. Howeverz - there are peoples out their who will tries to keep you from your rightful access to the BOOB, limitings you to a mear 25 hourz a daze. You needs to make it clear from a verys earlie stage that the BOOB is yourz and yourz alones, and thats you rechoir excess at alls time. If their iz any delays, SCREAMZ. Gets youre boob ladie trained ealie. Iz worth the efforts in the long runz.

Okays, so whose else iz into bondages? I knows I am. Makes it clear that if the parentals wants you to sleepz, they must keeps you well rapped. If they donts, flails around as much as possibles, smack yourselfs in face, claw at eyes, ect. They will learnz.

It iz temptings to just make boob ladie carry yous around at all timez. Howevers, sometime iz good to let her use her handz - mainlie so she canz wash nappys and dance like performing monkeys for entertainments. At this times, slings is usefuls. Also offers grate oppertunities for clawing at skins with youre carfully sharponed fingersnailz. And headbuttings. All goodz.

Sometimez milks is not enuf. A persons getz thirstie, you nose? Parentals thinks you needz barfs for keepings cleanz, but oh noes. Iz reallie for drinkings. Whenevers boob ladie look aways, dives into the luvli barf waters and drinks as much as you canz, pref threw noze. Iz delicus.

This is verry importants. You must sleepz for at least 21.5 hours a daze. Or for 5. One or the otherz.

Donts tell the parentals which, though. This is evens more importants.

Self explanatries.

Ands that iz it. All you needz to survivals youre first 13 weaks. Good lucks, comrades!

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