As if I didn't have enough to be neurotically obsessed about, this blog offers me the chance to see exactly how many people are reading it, every day, hour, and minute. As you can imagine, this gives me endless entertainment, as I constantly refresh the stats page whilst wailing "why have only two people looked at lumpybadger today? Nobody loves meeeeee! Validate my existence, strangers of the interwebs!" My laptop is somewhat tear stained.
But enough of my pathetic pitifulness. The really interesting bit of the stats page is that it shows how my fine readers have reached lumpybadger, and the most fascinating is the search engine queries which have led unsuspecting souls here. I had always expected a few stray perves to stumble across the site, due to my predilection for ranting about lady bits, but imagine my delight when I found that someone had landed on this site after searching google for the phrase "boobs grew and grew". All I can hope is that this was an actual pervert with a fantasy of ever increasing mammaries, and not some poor female who was desperately searching for medical advice due to the distressing and unexplained inflation of her assets.
But that one paled into insignificance when I spotted what may be my favourite ever search term. Are you ready? Somebody actually got here by searching for "badger boobs". Oh yes. Now that really is special interest.
And how very tragic that this was the best the internet had to offer this individual. If you're still out there, Badger Boob fancier, I'll try to find some pics especially for you soon.
(I won't really)
(unless you ask very, very nicely)
(probably not even then)
(though I would for cash)