Sunday, 5 September 2010

Baby dunking

Lumpy had his first swimming lesson yesterday. I'd like to say he loved it, but he actually spent most of the lesson shouting. It wasn't crying, exactly - more an expression of general complaint and dissatisfaction: the baby equivalent of a strongly worded letter to the authorities. He was probably a bit cold - he was rather over optimistically dressed in just a swim nappy (though a very snazzy neoprene one - with special no-leak leg cuffs: practical and stylish! I'm thinking of getting one for myself), while the smart babies were all in full wetsuits. So the complaining was probably all aimed at his ill-prepared and neglectful parents. He was also quite disappointed at being only the second youngest baby in the group, trumped by an 8-week old who rather impressively slept through much of the lesson (obviously drunk).

He also clearly felt superior to much of the class content, sneering openly at the 'Splish Splash' song and accompanying actions ('round in a circle and UP in the air!' etc.), and kept asking me when we were going to get onto the butterfly stroke and springboard diving. However, he cheered up considerably when we got to the dangerous, exciting part - the underwater plunge of death! The instructor went round the class dunking every baby under the water, then depositing them in their petrified parent's arms, telling them to SMILE at all times, rather than staring in horror at their blinking, flailing child. When it came to Lumpy's turn, he face-planted himself in the water before the instructor got a chance to dunk him, as documented in this youtube video. Thatta boy!

Next time he'll be doing his surfer dude impression in his trendy new wetsuit, and hopefully won't complain so loudly and vocally. As long as they get to do backflips and have a holding-your-breath-underwater competition. And no more of that Splish Splash nonsense.

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