Scaring the doctor

"Oh my God," said the doctor, as she opened Lumpy's nappy. "What...? What's he...?"

Now, the contents of Lumpy's nappies are legendary, it is true, and occasionally even frightening. But I would have thought a doctor, of all people, should have been able to handle them without exclamations of shock. But no, she was still blanching and stuttering, gazing down in horror at my sleepy, gurgling son.

I wondered what on earth he could have produced. An oil slick, perhaps, complete with distressed sea birds? A severed horse's head? Gingerly, I got to my feet, moved over to the examining table, and peered over the doctor's shoulder.

"The colours..." she said, pointing. "What have you been feeding him?"

I reached over and picked up the contents of the nappy, as she stared on, aghast.


My jazzy, funky nappy liner, with a background the colour of baby poo, and spots the colour of... well, things you don't really want coming out of your baby. Perfect for scaring doctors! Make sure you wear one to every appointment!